Becoming, Lucy

I struggle to articulate my thoughts sometimes.
Often.

I can feel the words on my tongue
or like a static in my chest,
but I cant tune into the frequency.

It’s frustrating,
It spills out as tears,
or as anger.

90% of the time it’s tears.

Since I started journaling,
letting the words fall out of me,
I have found it easier.
Maybe I’m not speaking the words out loud,
but I am getting my truth out,
without the tears, without the anger.

It has been good.

---

I am angry.
I am upset.
You let me down,
again.

I will retreat,
I will make myself smaller.
I will quieten myself,
again.

I don’t want to fight.
I don’t want to shout.
It won’t help.

Have you given up?
Are you tired of me?
Do you even notice?
You don’t even notice.

Everything is fine,
You think.

I don’t want to wear my mask anymore.
I don’t want to stay quiet anymore.

If I use my voice, will you notice?
Will you care?

Don’t leave.
Don’t leave me.
Please stay.
Stay with me.

Maybe I should stay quiet.