Category: diary-entry
-
My goodness, my thoughts are a tangled web this week. Each thing has opened another door and I am officially exhausted of being a human with a nervous system. I don’t know where to begin. Nothing is an obvious starting point. Actually, maybe there is an obvious place because I don’t think most of what…
-
Anger has been running my life recently, and I have been trying to figure out why. Or rather, intellectualise the anger to try ‘fix’ it. I tried talking it out when I first noticed it (to myself – practical, I know), but I thought if I could explain why I was angry then maybe I’d…
-
I don’t think anyone under the age of 25 should be able to make life changing decisions. Hear me out before you jump either way. Sit on the fence. Get comfortable. Unfortunately, I was under 25 when I made most of my life changing decisions. I have lived as the girl making life altering decisions…
-
I think about cancer all the time. That I have it. That I deserve it. That I’m going to die slowly and painfully. That I’ll discover I have it and it’ll be too late to do anything to save me. I think about death all the time. What it would be like to be dead.…
-
Clarity is a new concept to me. Maybe new isn’t the way to describe it but I registered it for the first time the other day, Things I had been worried about for quite sometime, something I was certain was giving me grey hairs – I gained clarity on. I didn’t realise I had gained…
-
I had a dream that my sister turned into a gorilla and rubbed her chest hairs proudly. My dreams have been WILD lately. I wake up from them absolutely baffled and I keep waking up in the middle of the night completely confused. I don’t remember all of them, just bits and pieces and the…
-
Healing is a load of bullshit. Apparently you have to unpack something that hurt you deeply. Something you stored in a box and refused to look at. Then replay each detail with forensic precision. You open the box and carry it around for weeks, all while not feeling like yourself. You overreact, withdraw, make decisions…
-
I have a confession. I think I’ve become bitter. I can’t stand seeing happy couples. Families. Fathers present with their kids. I have to look away. Or I catch myself staring, feeling resentment for strangers. And I’ll admit, I have been hesitant to write this piece, even with it constantly on my mind, because it’s…
-
Is it normal to know you’re suppressing your emotions and being unable to stop? I know when I’m intellectualising. I know when I’m masking. I know when I’m making myself smaller and staying quiet. I almost understand why. So why can’t I stop? They say awareness is the first step… Yet I feel like I’ve…
-
Lonely. Loneliness makes me believe I am not worth knowing, that my thoughts aren’t worth hearing, that I should stay quiet, that I shouldn’t rely on someone, that my silence is easier. And I can’t write anything because I just have this block in my head that says no one – not even myself- wants…
