Becoming, Lucy

Today I needed warmth, I needed to be held. I didn’t have anyone for that so I had to be that for myself. So I sat and reflected…

I carry a lot quietly – nothing big, nothing hard but like a friend of mine says, everyone’s pain is maximal to them.

I still show up, I still manage to find beauty, create beauty in the small moments. I don’t drown in the darkness (or try not to at least), I keep moving through it. I keep letting my light glow, even if it is dim. A warm yellow glow, not bright, not shiny, just there.

I question everything – some may see this is a fault but it means I turn my vulnerability, my chaos, my ache into art, conversation, understanding.

I’m proud of me for that. For staying curious. For trying. For refusing to numb myself.

So today was a day of reflection, of being that warmth for myself, something I usually struggle with. I am proud of me for that, for being the kindness I usually show others.

Today I am proud of myself.

This is my journey of becoming, of self love. The road isn’t straight; it’s full of twists and turns, even some roundabouts that I get stuck on sometimes. But it’s my journey and I hope I remember this moment next time I find myself circling one again.