Becoming, Lucy

I’m just not sure today.

I need to write because the thoughts feel like they are stacking up again (it has only been two days since I last wrote) but I’m not sure what I want to write about or what I need to write about.

I feel like I’m waiting for something to happen but I have no idea what it is. I should probably try find the answers but I don’t know where to begin searching or what I’m searching for. I suppose some people would say just start searching and you’ll know when you’ve found it or that I can’t wait for the answers to come to me. But… Blah. (Great use of words, I know.)

I’ve just stared at my keyboard for the last 5 minutes wondering what to write next and all I can think of is ‘blah’. That’s just how everything feels. Every thought. Every feeling. Every action. They feel blah.

I should be crowned for my amazing describing words.

What’s the point of it all?

Maybe I should have some big revelation that the point of it all is ‘this’. This thing that I call becoming. But right now it sounds ridiculous. Even trying to believe it annoys me.

I don’t know. I feel… suspended. But almost as though someone is holding me upside down by the ankles and telling me to find a specific puzzle piece in a room filled with different puzzles.

I don’t feel sad. I don’t feel dramatic. I don’t feel inspired. I just feel blah.

Can someone press ctrl, alt, delete on my brain please? Thanks x