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On watch
I think about cancer all the time. That I have it. That I deserve it. That I’m going to die slowly and painfully. That I’ll discover I have it and it’ll be too late…
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Blood and butterflies
Clarity is a new concept to me. Maybe new isn’t the way to describe it but I registered it for the first time the other day, Things I had been worried about for quite…
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The safety of my sickness
I had a dream that my sister turned into a gorilla and rubbed her chest hairs proudly. My dreams have been WILD lately. I wake up from them absolutely baffled and I keep waking…
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It’s costing me, me.
Healing is a load of bullshit. Apparently you have to unpack something that hurt you deeply. Something you stored in a box and refused to look at. Then replay each detail with forensic precision.…
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I miss being witnessed
I have a confession. I think I’ve become bitter. I can’t stand seeing happy couples. Families. Fathers present with their kids. I have to look away. Or I catch myself staring, feeling resentment for…
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Where survival ends and I begin
Is it normal to know you’re suppressing your emotions and being unable to stop? I know when I’m intellectualising. I know when I’m masking. I know when I’m making myself smaller and staying quiet.…
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Silence isn’t easier
Lonely. Loneliness makes me believe I am not worth knowing, that my thoughts aren’t worth hearing, that I should stay quiet, that I shouldn’t rely on someone, that my silence is easier. And I…
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She was drowning
She swamAnd swamI had to look more than once She had a rock on her backHer arms swung in what looked like perfect rhythmHer legs kicked too But she wasn’t equipped for the waterSalt…
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I don’t know how to dream big anymore
Should I be about to open the floodgates to my emotions whilst sat in a coffee shop after ignoring them for over a week? No. Probably not. But here I am, about to do…
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Becoming, Lucy 