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Where survival ends and I begin
Is it normal to know you’re suppressing your emotions and being unable to stop? I know when I’m intellectualising. I know when I’m masking. I know when I’m making myself smaller and staying quiet.…
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Silence isn’t easier
Lonely. Loneliness makes me believe I am not worth knowing, that my thoughts aren’t worth hearing, that I should stay quiet, that I shouldn’t rely on someone, that my silence is easier. And I…
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She was drowning
She swamAnd swamI had to look more than once She had a rock on her backHer arms swung in what looked like perfect rhythmHer legs kicked too But she wasn’t equipped for the waterSalt…
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I don’t know how to dream big anymore
Should I be about to open the floodgates to my emotions whilst sat in a coffee shop after ignoring them for over a week? No. Probably not. But here I am, about to do…
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Destroyer of all things good
I was never meant to live this long and now I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life. People want me to plan for a future that’s five, ten years ahead.…
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I can see myself doing it
I feel as though I am seen as the person miles away from who I am. I’m seen as someone who doesn’t question things, who copes, who doesn’t complain too much, who only shares…
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Do I even like anything or do I just think that I do?
Everything I enjoy feels like a lie. It feels as though I’m acting out a script I didn’t write or have a say in but find myself acting it out anyway. Everything feels rehearsed.…
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I believe I’m unlovable, so I act like it
I’m going to call myself a liar. I was going to start this the same way I start every entry lately, that I can’t write, that I don’t know what to write about. But…
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The problem with feeling okay
I have been struggling with what I want to write about for weeks. Which makes sense now because I don’t think I understood what I was actually feeling. I’ve been wanting to reflect on…
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Becoming, Lucy 