Category: diary-entry
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I wasn’t going to post this because it’s so raw. I wrote this less than 12 hours after finding out he had passed. There’s no reflection here, no neat resolution. Just disbelief, love and the ache of wanting the world to stop, even for a moment. Writing is the only way I know how to…
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I don’t even know how to start this entry. What a weird and horrible week. Was my mood dropping constantly last week just foreshadowing what was to come? I had to ‘force’ myself to be happy last week, to find happiness – more than once. Was my cat escaping then coming back at night his…
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Grief has a strange way of softening the world. Everything looks the same, everything stays the same but it all feels wrapped in something heavier. A fog that makes you ache for warmth. I keep reminding myself that even in all that heaviness, there is still beauty. The mark he left is still here. Fog…
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I wrote this in the first few hours after losing someone I loved deeply. A conversation with something I don’t understand but keep being forced to face. Death. You’re a cruel friend. I’ve thought about you, a lot. I know you’ve thought about me too. But you never come for me, do you? You go for the ones I…
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Today. Today has been weird. I want to say it has been hard but it hasn’t – it’s just hard right now. My cat has gone missing and I’m feeling guilty because I didn’t realise he was missing until this evening when I think he has been gone since this morning. Trying not to think…
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Everything was grey today. The sky. The cars.Even my coffee looked grey. It tasted grey too, the barista forgot the caramel. My tasks at work were grey. Too much paper. Today has felt uninspiring. I’ve poured a lot out emotionally recently. I think my brain and body are resetting. I hope I can find some colour in my evening. I found…
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Today I needed warmth, I needed to be held. I didn’t have anyone for that so I had to be that for myself. So I sat and reflected… I carry a lot quietly – nothing big, nothing hard but like a friend of mine says, everyone’s pain is maximal to them. I still show up,…
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Tired Tired of pretending Tired of smiling Tired of being Tired of work Tired of hoping Tired of being present So tired
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I struggle to articulate my thoughts sometimes. Often. I can feel the words on my tongue or like a static in my chest,but I cant tune into the frequency. It’s frustrating,It spills out as tears,or as anger. 90% of the time it’s tears. Since I started journaling,letting the words fall out of me, I have…
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I’m laughing at myself. I started this blog so I had somewhere to write, somewhere to pour out my thoughts from my overthinking brain, and told myself it might make someone else feel less alone. The joke is on me. I’m putting my thoughts on the internet so I feel less alone. What a silly…
Becoming, Lucy 